My husband and I did not know if we make would it through our first year of marriage.
We still are not there a full year. Our first year anniversary will hit March 21, 2017.
And I’m set to head off on a 4-month gig that is relocating me across the country.
Most people would be skeptical as to whether our marriage is solid. It can be challenging for either of us to link up long-term as we are both adventurous, independent ENTP‘s (Myers Briggs Personality Test) – subsection that 3% of the American population makes up. “Debaters,” we are described as those who “are on a constant quest for knowledge…(that) enjoy the mental exercise found in questioning the prevailing mode of thought, making them irreplaceable in reworking existing systems or shaking things up and pushing them in clever new directions.”
Therefore, Sandy and I do not adhere to societal norms; we search for our own meaning and sense of “right” and “wrong” in a world shaped around mores and customs. This is awfully handy while we watch each other dig wrapped sandwiches and salads out of Pret A Manger’s curbside, black trash bags and don’t bat an eye, even encouraging each other when we make out with a good haul. We support each other’s need for solidarity and reflection at times, and it is only in my greater desire for turbulence and his for stability that things start to violently stir at times.
January 26, I will head off to California for 4 months. Many are concerned about the why; but even more are concerned with the “how,” in terms of our relationship.
Ask me a year ago whether I thought it was healthy or feasible for us to be apart for more than a year, and I would have said, “No.” However, flash forward to now, when I feel so secure in our financial investments in properties in Jersey City and Hoboken, partially from our both working our tails off over the last eight years of our lives. Although I love my husband, I am searching for meaning on a greater scale. Working one-on-one with kids, all within the top 1% of America/the world, through tutoring is not sufficient for me to think that I am truly doing my part in teaching others how to improve our society. I am grateful for my job, and I love all of the families that I work with. However, having the opportunity to teach college students on a massive scale about the importance of reducing meat in their lifestyle – therefore, inducing changes in their food choices – therefore, leading to greater health, animal living conditions, and environmental and societal impact for the world – is something that in my heart I know I can not resist.
I’m fortunate that I have a family that has always told me to follow my heart, even if I am often driven to follow my head (typical ENTP), and a husband that believes in my ability to make sound decisions that allow for me to be a better me, ultimately benefiting our relationship as I develop more confidence in awareness in how I am leading my life. I would love to be less of a pain in the ass, but the saving grace of our relationship is that there is such a level of understanding, curiosity, and empathy – more often on his part – that allows us to be who we are, whether or not it bucks any sense of traditional marriage.