How to Date Town and Country’s 50 Most Eligible Bachelors

by Jennifer

Town and Country‘s “50 Most Eligible Bachelors” list just came out and includes categories of men, such as “The Future” “Heirs Apparent” and less favorably, “Returned to Market.” The list include some predictable candidates: Jack Dorsey, co-founder of Twitter, and Cory Booker, NJ Senator and Presidential Hopeful (who I have met when he spoke to my cohort of the Newark Teaching Fellowship, and is much more handsome and charismatic in real-life).

Jack Dorsey, a co-founder of Twitter

NJ Senator, Cory Booker

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m unsure what someone is supposed to do with this information. Are we supposed to look at this list and think, “Ooo which one do I most want to date?” under some false belief that there’s a chance that one of them would fall for one of us, the 99%?

A) I’m married.

B) I have property, but live like I’m homeless.

C) I’m not rich tycoon skinny or manicured.

My chance of landing en eligible bachelor? 0.

Your chance? 0.

However, let’s say you wanted to be a bit psychotic and completely change who you are to stalk, sink, and land one of these suckers. What would you need to do? Who would you need to be?

Who are the women that Town and Country’s 50 Most Eligible Bachelors date?

 

George Spencer-Churchill – ready for high school prom – with his main squeeze, Camilla Thorp – at some rich people’s race

Meet George Spencer-Churchill, who was born in the flippin’ 90s, and doesn’t look a day past 18. Why he is on this list when he has accomplished absolutely nothing in his life? He’s set to inherit Blenheim Palace in a country that ritually funds the lives of a select group of blood relations, all on the basis of tradition.

He has been paired to super skinny, blonde, Camilla Thorp, 6 years his senior, whose Instagram reflects a rich bitch, careless, party girl, who is a daughter of “designer of choice for the super-rich,” Philippa Thorp.

What do you need to date a royal?

  • $$$
  • Be super skinny and blonde
  • Know how to party

 

 

 

Lois Gouger, “iconoclastic” curator at Christie’s

 

Lois Gouzer – curator extraordinaire at Christie’s auction house.

Who does he date?

FLIPPING JANUARY JONES!

Game over. You lose.

If his standard is January Jones, you stand no chance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thomas Salomon, heir to a company that likes to skin animals to make their clothing.

I couldn’t dig up any dirt on who this douchebag, Thomas Salomon, heir to a furrier, dates. It’s likely for good reason considering that he and his family line believe it is okay, even great, to raise animals in horrible, unspeakable conditions, and then skin them, sometimes alive, for the sake of helping rich people feel fancy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the time I got to Thomas Salomon, I was too upset to continue looking at this list.  I don’t know why Town and Country thinks it is acceptable to place a man who supports torturing animals on its list of eligible bachelors. Seems sick to me to think we live in a culture where this is acceptable, even admired.

 

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